i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
