last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
