Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize