Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Who died my cat blue again?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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