i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
