there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
