I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
