This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
