Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
