well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
