that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
