You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
