didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
