i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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