my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
