we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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