Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
