Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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