Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize