I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize