Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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