So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
