You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
