I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just sent this text using only my big toe
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize