they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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