If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
