I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
