I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
