I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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