You just made me feel so damn special
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
