The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
