if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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