I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
