a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
