This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
