# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
