Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize