The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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