remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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