??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
