God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
