I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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