Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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