so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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