i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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