dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize