So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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