Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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