I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
