The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, beer. Big fan.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
