Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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