wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
