He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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