Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
