i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
