alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
