You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
