I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
