u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
