I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
