Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
