So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
