In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize