It's Friday. Sex?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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