You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
