Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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