Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
