i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
