Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have post one night stand depression
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