about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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