I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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