I didn't shave. On purpose
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
