The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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