found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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