My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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