if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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