thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
nutella sex= disaster
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
