If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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