So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
