I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
