did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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