I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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