New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
