I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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