guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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