I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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