I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
