the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
