Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize