If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
