I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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