I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
