I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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