Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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