Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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