So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
