the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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