nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
