Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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