First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
