If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we're making bets on your personal life
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
