I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
