im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
