Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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