somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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