If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sacagawea was the original milf.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize