He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
