o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
